25th Feb 2009

I've never felt so shameful like this time... I have to be responsible with that matter. I'm sorry, I should find another way to solve this prob, But I've been thinking and stuck a lil bit. In fashion one day u're in, the next day u're out...it's not surprised. I will have to be careful next time. I know in business it's always too late to apologize. You trusted me and I disappointed you. I'm not gonna complain about anything coz totally it was my fault

You might think that I'm so unprofessional, just like a kid working. But I swear that I took it seriouly. I never work unprofessional. Becoz I respect you and respect what I'm doing as well. I'm gonna be a good designer so I have to take care of every single steps that I'm taking now

You were too nice to say "ok" . That made me feel so sorry

.......


I really hate today though it was becoz of me

And mom she scared me today, gosh at that moment I felt like I lost all of my energy and I was so scared. Mommy I love you, please ... I just dont wanna have another April, I dont wanna see tears on April anymore

Today my dad asked me whether I still wanna go to Canada to continue my study or not...I said if he asked me this question about 4months ago, I'd probably say YES. But now I just cannot go and leave everything behind like that :') . My dad said he understands the reason why... "As long as you feel happy, so it's gonna be ok for me, though I know you always wanted to go. But you have to think about your choice carefully again"

4 years is gonna be a big gap...sometimes ppl have to think and make a choice between 2 ways. I've made my own decision and I'm not going to feel regret :D

I love you honey :X I really do :') I'm loving you a little more each day, a little more each day. And I'm happy to see that my feeling for you is growing up...

And another reason that makes me stay is my mom :') Well the doctor have said I should prepare becoz the worst thing can happen anytime, so take it easy, let it be :') I knew it though sometimes when ppl mention about mom , I just wanna cry . But I'm not allowed to cry as well, especially I will never ever let my mom see me crying. I'm pretty good at suffering, this's my strength and I have to keep it :D

Daddy, I'm standing on my own feet and pls dont worry about me :D . Mom is gonna be ok, things will be fine. Coz God heard my prayers and he will listen to me coz I'm always a big girl dont cry

Yes I am :X