7 days left?

About 7 days left

But I'm so looking forward and so ready to see my boy right now :p

I also want to end up these tired and heavy days asap :-< I even can't move at night, so damn exhausted and painful whenever I move. I hardly can breath

I know it's gonna be hurt, but I'm ready to wait for the biggest moment in my life. I wanna see my boy. And I'm happy to know that he's mine and he belongs to me and my husband :x

But 7 days is just a number coz I choose the natural delivery, not every woman delivers on or before her due date :-< I just hope it's gonna be before Tet holiday. I'm scared of that God, please help me.

Yesterday I dreamed of my baby for the 1st time :)) the feeling was so...cute :p coz he looks cute in my dream :))

Anyway, baby, keep me and you safe :x

LOVE

Hal

xoxo

About 20 days left

The due date has been counting down. And sometimes thinking about what is gonna happen, and for sure it's gonna be so damn hard, I'm scared and feel anxious.

I couldn't feel comfortable in the evening. Stressful. Tired. Painful

Brrr how can I get over all of this?

I hate waiting, esp waiting for something difficult. It makes me feel like I'm gonna have a very difficult exam waiting ahead and I haven't prepared for that

About 20 days left. Maybe it will come sooner.

Huhu

God please give me strength and courage. Help me

Thinking about seeing my baby for the 1st time, thinking about my family will be so happy, thinking about my body will get back and fit all the clothes again, thinking about the future....

Those calm me down a bit

LOVE

Hal

xoxo

Another bad dream...

Hóa ra điều khiến mình sợ hãi nhất vẫn là bị bỏ rơi

Cảm giác khi đang yêu thương một thứ gì đó, rồi bỗng nhiên tất cả biến thành mây khói... Thật đáng sợ...

Cứ mỗi lần quen với việc gì đấy, yêu một điều gì đấy, mình lại đâm ra sợ bị mất, điều mình yêu thương sẽ bỏ rơi mình...

Ám ảnh kinh khủng...

Lại vừa nằm mơ linh tinh. Hôm nay HN mưa bão, trời mưa suốt từ sáng đến giờ. U ám xám xịt đáng ghét ghê.

Nằm mơ giật mình tỉnh dậy, vội vã lấy phone nhắn tin như mọi lần... Hóa ra cũng chỉ là em nằm mơ thôi :P Hú hồn

Sợ

Sợ bị mất.

Sợ bị bỏ rơi

Thành ra nhiều khi sợ khi mình bắt đầu yêu...

Hôm nay em bé ngoan, nằm im ko quấy mama nhiều. Hôm trước đi khám bác sỹ, tiêm uốn ván mũi 2 xong xuôi rồi. Hóa ra tiêm cũng chẳng đau lắm, giờ mình chẳng sợ tiêm nữa :p

Ngày mai anh đi công tác. 2 ngày thôi. Nhưng mà ghét. Vì trời mưa. Vì đang có nhiều chương trình hay trên TV. Vì có người xoa lưng ôm mình mỗi tối. Vì có người chiều mình. Vì nhiều thứ.

 ...

Ghét mưa

Hal

xoxo

I'm scared of October

I'm scared of October

I just looked around my diary last year. October was fulled in tears and hopeless

I'm scared. I'm really scared

I still remember all the tears. All the feelings. All the sadness

I still remember everything. Your voice. Your lies.

I still remember every raindrops.

I don't know how. I don't know when. It will be over

I love you :) I really do. But I'm scared it will happen again. Coz somehow I always think it'll happen again

Tell me what do I have to do now?

...

Nightmare. Mẹ. Mệt

Dạo này mình có vẻ đến giai đoạn stress. Đêm hôm qua toàn nằm mơ linh tinh, những giấc mơ kinh khủng. Mơ về mẹ.... Đến lúc giật mình dậy mất mấy giây sau mình mới nhận ra đấy chỉ là mơ. Nhưng mình vẫn khóc nức nở...

Khóc vì quá sợ hãi

Khóc vì nhận ra đấy chỉ là một cơn ác mộng

Ax tưởng mình bị làm sao :(

2 hôm nay thấy toàn thân mệt mỏi ê ẩm, ko muốn nói ko muốn cười ko muốn suy nghĩ gì hết

Mệt quá

Bao giờ mới hết trạng thái này

Thân thể này dường như ko phải của mình nữa

...

God bless

Mẹ hôm nay sốt cao, 39*C. Khổ thân mẹ lắm...

Mẹ mau khỏi mẹ nhé, đừng sốt nữa...

Yêu mẹ

Rainy - thinking - day

I know that nothing lasts forever.

You can't love someone forever.

You can't hate someone forever.

I don't deny that I'm so happy with what I have now. A new chapter of my life that I always dream of. A new family that I'm so in love with.

But I'm scared of what "will" happen one day. I know bad things will come. I'm scared that I'd not feel this love anymore one day. I'm scared that he won't love me and want me like this anymore one day. I'm scared that we'll feel tired of each other and want to give up on each other like we did before...

I'm scared

:D

Everytime I feel happiness, I always feel scared as well.

.....

I was pretty sick, gotta stay in my parents' house for 3 days, lying on bed only.

Now when I got back, I feel something different.

I don't know what kinda difference

Maybe I'm in the most sensitive time of my life.

Haiz

So tired

Today it rained so hard in Hanoi. Like it's never rained like that before. So I couldn't get to my house. And my husband couldn't come to take me home. So I'm staying in my parents' house.

But I must say I love staying with parents after getting married :D Coz dunno why they turn to treating me like a kid :p

Love you mom and dad

Anyway goodnite

Diary, I'm sorry for being so lazy writing news in here. I promise I will try better

Love

Hal

xoxo

Thank God for always loving me and listening to me :)

Thank you

Bad dreams again...

Another bad dreams again. I don't think I have enuf courage to go to sleep again. 3 days 3 stories and nothing was good. I could feel the tears in my eyes now and my heart is still beating so fast. 

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm so scared

Last night in my dreams, 2 of the most important ppl in my life betrayed me. Left me. Simply. Easily. 

I can feel this pain so clearly

So clearly that I think everything is real

...

What's wrong with me?

Bad dreams again...

Another bad dreams again. I don't think I have enuf courage to go to sleep again. 3 days 3 stories and nothing was good. I could feel the tears in my eyes now and my heart is still beating so fast. 

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm so scared

Last night in my dreams, 2 of the most important ppl in my life betrayed me. Left me. Simply. Easily. 

I can feel this pain so clearly

So clearly that I think everything is real

...

What's wrong with me?

Help me...

Be honest I'm being scared

And I'm easy to be pissed off and angry

And so easy to lose my mind, sometimes my heart as well

You said I'm stubborn and I will never accept that I'm hurt

I don't know whether man changes after getting married or not

I'm scared that things are gonna be different

He will be different

Actually he's being changing day by day... But ppl change, and time changes ppl


I wish I could tell you what I really thought inside

Haizz help me :)

Help me

Hal

xoxo

Grandma

It's really sad to see grandma is leaving us day by day...

She's really leaving me now

Yesterday she told me that she was so tired, and when her eyes closed, I thought my heart just skip a beat...

Time is counting down

And it's killing me inside

.....

All I have to do now is believe in magic

18.01.12

The closer I reach to my wedding day, the more I feel confused and weird

I've got lots of weird thoughts and feelings

Sometimes I wanna run away

Sometimes I wanna get married asap

Sometimes I'm scared that I can't sleep

Sometimes I feel I'm the happiest girl in this world

Is it too early for me to get married now?

Am I ready enough?

Will I have enough courage and patience to overcome all the troubles after getting married?

Will he love me like the way he did and he is doing now?

Damn! I'm so damn confused and scared


Hallie

18.01.12 ~ 3 months before the due date

LOVE! I'm scared!

I'm kinda wanting to be slower, take a little step backward

I'm scared

It's like since the day I was born, I've been a kinda stubborn girl

Mommy and daddy never used the rod to educate me like the other parents. When I was a kid, whenever I did wrong, they just talked to me until I totally understood and promised I'd never do it again.

So now, when I grow up, sometimes I still make mistakes, sometimes I don't listen to my parents, sometimes I TRY not to listen to my parents though I know all they want is the best for me. So when they blame me after that, I usually keep silence bcoz I know I did a wrong thing.

I'm getting used to my parents' way, I'm getting used to the way they love me.

And I know they understand who I really am. And even no matter how good or how bad I am, I know from the bottom of parents' hearts, they still love me with all they have

~~

When ppl grow up, luckily they will find a right one, and normally after that they get married.

I will get married, next year if nothing happens

My bf's family has been good to me. But somehow sometimes I still wonder, will they really love and understand me like the way my parents do if I love and respect them like the way I do to my parents?

I wanna be good to my bf's family. Bcoz I'll try to love whatever he loves.

The new life with many new people. I will laugh. I will cry. Definitely. I will change. Somehow.

But now I'm really scared.

Will LOVE really help ppl to conquer everything?

Will the one I love now always love me like the way he does right now?

Will he understand me, enuf to protect me?

Will LOVE still be LOVE......till the end of time?

......

I'm scared.

Vỡ.

4 in the morning

...

Ngày 8 đã trôi qua thật tồi tệ... Mình đã khóc sưng húp cả mắt rồi :))

Có cảm giác như mình cứ nói, cứ nói, nhưng thực sự chẳng có người hiểu. Giống như nói một mình cho bản thân nghe vậy

Cảm giác thất vọng

Cảm giác như bị lừa

Cảm giác bị coi thường

...

Mình nghĩ lại, bố mẹ vẫn luôn nói là Có đi đâu làm gì cũng đừng để người khác coi thường mình. Vậy mình đã làm cái quái gì thế này??? Mình thật có lỗi quá đi.

Mình khóc. Nhưng mà vẫn chưa hiểu giải quyết như thế nào? Mình phải làm gì để có thể trả được bây giờ?

Mình không thể nói cho bố mẹ nghe được

Càng nghĩ càng thấy sợ hãi nhiều người và nhiều chuyện.

Sợ cái kiểu đứng đó, một mình, kể cả khóc đến đâu cũng không có ai đứng ra nói hộ một tiếng

"Trên đời này chẳng ai cho ko ai cái gì bao giờ" .

Tất cả chỉ là nói dối

Được một bài học, mất một vài điều quí giá.

Feeling just like a stone

Anw, bây giờ phải cố ngủ thôi, mấy tiếng nữa phải dậy còn đi xa

...

Now when I wanna talk to you, something inside my mind just stops me. I feel like I dont know where to start... I feel like maybe after talking to you or asking you smt or even asking you out, simply we will argue again, for reasons and none reasons as well...

I'm scared.

And I'm feeling you will always be the same and no matter what you said, that you will try becoz of us, maybe nothing will change. Maybe I will feel hurt again and you will feel tired again.

I'm scared

???

Là do em khó hiểu?

Hay là anh thật sự không còn muốn tiếp tục hiểu nữa?

...

It ain't a big deal anymore

People come then People go.

Vừa đi ăn kichi kichi về ^^

Trời nóng quá, mà tự nhiên lại thik ăn lẩu =)) bó tay toàn tập. Nên đành đi ăn một mình thôi. Ăn xong quả thật thấy có tí thông minh lên, đầu óc đỡ ong ong


*****


I don't know whether it's right or wrong to feel this kinda feeling. I'm really easy to be fired up. Yesterday when my bf said smt about he doesn't think that I'd do what I told him, then I felt really upset. So I ended up the conversation shortly. But maybe he didn't realize and didn't care, that I was upset yesterday. Boys will be boys, I shouldn't believe that he's different coz in the end, he's a man. And men usually hurt someone they love unintentionally

My bf is a businessman, so sometimes I feel like I have nobody at all. I told him I was on my way home by taxi and just had dinner. And he replied by saying he had to go to work now, that means he'd not listen to me anymore, end of conversation. I wish he'd ask me why I had to take taxi home? :)) hehe see? no matter how many times I've said I'd like to be an independent woman. But when I have a bf, things will change. Feelings somehow will have to depend on the way he does and says... So sad but true...

Right now I don't really know what I'm thinking. Sometimes I love him like I wish I could be with him forever. But sometimes I feel like he ain't care a bit, so I just wanna run and hide myself away from him. I'm afraid that I'd be hurt by the way he does. Then I feel insecure, unreliable...

Maybe it's time to look back the way we've gone through and decide which way to go, which way is better for both of us...Maybe he's never spent time to think about it...He thought he loves me, and he'll never change. But he doesn't realize sometimes I'm NOT really that IMPORTANT to him :) WITH or WITHOUT me is just the same...

I'm easy to be up, to forget and to forgive as well. But this's not good 100%. Sometimes I need to learn the way to forgive but NOT forget. So I'll be able to protect me...

Remember: People come then People go. That's Life. That's Love.

Being worried

I'm so worried

What's happening to me :(

Or maybe I was sick a couple days ago, so I had to take medicines? And now it's all the influence?

:((

Broken

If it was broken one time

Then who could guarantee that it won't be broken the second time?

:)


I'm not afraid of waiting

I'm just afraid of forgetting

Tuesday 02 March 2010

Waking up this morning, felt hurt all my body :)) Took a reliever, hopefully this pain will soon be over

I'm feeling nothing, I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy, I just feel so empty. I felt really excited, but then I was cut down so it's like I was put off my stroke... Maybe the best way for me is hide myself away for a few days... I don't know what's wrong with me now, I don't know what's wrong between us now... I'm scared of facing him then we start to argue again. I'm scared of him being silent, I'm scared of me being this kinda blank then wanting nothing...

The business thing is going pretty good. Then I'm gonna be busy, that's fine right?

Have a nice day Hal

Loneliness is such a sad affair

Around 7hours before Tet New year

And I'm feeling so lonely

I don't have any feeling about Valentine is tomorrow :)

Do you think that you love me?

Do you believe that you love me?