Ngày 27/6/13 - Đời không như mơ. Tình không như thơ...

Hôm nay Sushi được tròn 5 tháng tuổi. Cân nặng 9.8kg. Có vẻ khá nguy hiểm :))

Hôm qua mình đã khóc rất nhiều. Có cảm giác khóc mãi cũng không đủ để làm trôi đi cái cảm giác ngạt thở đấy. Ngạt thở vì tức giận, vì tủi thân, vì thất vọng

Có phải mình ngốc lắm không?

"Đời không như mơ. Tình không như thơ"... Vẫn biết là thế nhưng sao thấy đau đến thế? Vì bị nói dối? Hay vì thương chính bản thân mình?

I couldn't think you'd ever do that to me. I said I wish my 6th sense didn't work. I even lied to myself that it was not what I thought it was. But when I saw the text, I felt like everything good between us has gone. How could you do that to me while you kept telling me that you miss me and you love me? Then what if I didn't say anything? You would continue that story?

Now you told me that you know what's the limit. But I guess even you were lying to yourself...


What do I have to do now? What should I do? Pretend like nothing happened? Or walk away and leave everything behind?

I have my own rules. If you don't respect my rules. Then it means you totally don't respect me. Not at all.

Trust is like a paper. Once it's crumbled, it can't be perfect again...

You lost my trust. And I can't tell you how to get that back coz I even have no idea where it is now

...

Chỉ có mẹ mới hiểu

Thanks mommy for being my hero last night :X

Từ chiều hôm qua Sushi quấy kinh khủng. Chả chịu ngủ mặc dù cứ ngáp ngủ thường xuyên. Cứ bế thì ngủ, đặt xuống một cái là khóc ré lên. Ăn thì no đến trớ cả ra. Chả biết làm như thế nào, mình thì hoang mang quá. Bế bé bi trên tay mà con thỉnh thoảng còn giật mình thon thót, mình cũng giật mình theo. May quá đến tối cuối cùng thì mẹ bế bé lên bụng rồi nằm cạnh mình cả tiếng đồng hồ bé mới yên chuyện. Ngủ một mạch từ 12h đêm đến 9h sáng hôm nay mới ọ ẹ đòi ăn.

Đúng là có những chuyện chỉ có Mẹ mới hiểu. Chỉ có những người đã từng là Mẹ, đã từng trải qua, đã từng buồn vui với đứa con của mình mới hiểu.

Cám ơn Mẹ nhiều lắm mẹ ơi. Đúng là không có mẹ thì không biết giải quyết ra sao.

Hy vọng sau này con cũng có thể là một bà mẹ tốt như mẹ :x

Yêu mẹ

Hal
xoxo

You pissed me off

There will always be a "lie" in Believe
An "over" in Lover
An "end" in Friends
An "us" in Trust
and an "If" in Life


I was too tired yesterday. Too tired to even stand on my own feet after working hours. And I felt like I couldn't breath

I thought maybe I'd cook something simple for dinner. But then when you texted me and said you were tired, I told myself to get up and should go and do something better for you.

I swear all I thought was about You

I swear that no matter what I do and no matter where I go and whoever I'm with, I always think about you and worry about you the most.

But do you?

I felt like a fool yesterday, waiting for you hopelessly to come to pick me a little earlier because I was too tired. I just wanted to go home and lie next to you, then things would be better

All about what you did was just give me a text saying that you'd be late, and you wouldn't care about what I asked.

So I'm wondering is it a shame for you to answer your wife's text while you're with people?

I never wanna bother you if you wanna have time hanging out and having fun, without me. Coz we both need our own space sometimes. But pls think of me a little, like a few seconds. That's all. I don't ask for more

You made me feel like I couldn't rely on you, because you'd not come to rescue me no matter how I beg

:)

Anyway, I don't hate you. I hate myself for not trusting you completely 100%.

Life, oh life

The feeling of having a very tiny little people in your body is so amazing

My boy is so naughty :p he loves kicking his mommy. But I do love him, I love the feeling of waking up every morning and feeling him inside of me. Not many days left I will see him face to face. To kiss him, to hold him, to touch him, and to love him with all my heart and my soul

I'm at the 27 week now. I've gained around 5kg. And still there're some ppl doubting about me - pregnant. Even some salespeople at the baby shops :)) I don't feel to hard to be pregnant, except everyday after work and get home, I do feel exhausted, and just wanna lay down on my bed and don't have to care about cooking dinner, or chores anymore. But still I have to get up coz I hate seeing my house look dirty and messy. Sometimes it drives me crazy and crying without knowing why :p

My hubby he helps me a lot, but he's just a man, so he only helps when I ask him to :D And I know he's already had many troubles at work, so everytime I wanna skip cooking and go outside, thinking of him having a long day without a real meal, I don't feel tired of getting up anymore.

The weather is so lovely today. I will have a day out with my friends today :D Now let's go and enjoy

LOVE

Hal

xoxo

Nightmare. Mẹ. Mệt

Dạo này mình có vẻ đến giai đoạn stress. Đêm hôm qua toàn nằm mơ linh tinh, những giấc mơ kinh khủng. Mơ về mẹ.... Đến lúc giật mình dậy mất mấy giây sau mình mới nhận ra đấy chỉ là mơ. Nhưng mình vẫn khóc nức nở...

Khóc vì quá sợ hãi

Khóc vì nhận ra đấy chỉ là một cơn ác mộng

Ax tưởng mình bị làm sao :(

2 hôm nay thấy toàn thân mệt mỏi ê ẩm, ko muốn nói ko muốn cười ko muốn suy nghĩ gì hết

Mệt quá

Bao giờ mới hết trạng thái này

Thân thể này dường như ko phải của mình nữa

...

God bless

Mẹ hôm nay sốt cao, 39*C. Khổ thân mẹ lắm...

Mẹ mau khỏi mẹ nhé, đừng sốt nữa...

Yêu mẹ

Cuộc đời

"Chồng làm thì vợ có công

Của chồng công vợ đừng mong của mình."

...

Cuộc sống gia đình thật chẳng đơn giản như mình từng suy nghĩ. Cuộc sống cũng chẳng phải "có anh có em chuyện gì cũng có thể vượt qua". Còn hàng trăm thứ loằng ngoằng phức tạp liên quan tới. Nhiều chuyện có nằm mơ cũng chả nghĩ ra thì cũng vẫn có thể xảy ra.

Nghĩ lại bản thân là đứa vô tư, sống vô tư, suy nghĩ vô tư, bố mẹ cưng chiều, bạn bè tốt bụng hiểu ý. Nhưng càng ngày càng thấy có quá nhiều cái phức tạp ko sao tưởng tượng nổi diễn ra làm mình cảm thấy bất ngờ. Có phần bị shock, có phần bị tổn thương, có phần phải khép mình lại vì sợ hãi.

Mới có hơn 4 tháng, bắt đầu cảm nhận được vị đắng của cuộc sống gia đình. Làm thế nào cho vừa ý người khác mà mình vẫn không bị tổn thương.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ mà muốn khóc, tủi thân...

Nếu sống mà biết luôn nghĩ tốt cho người khác thì có lẽ xã hội chả đến mức rối tinh như này.

God bless... Pls help me to have enough love to get through every troubles

Love

Hal

xoxo

I'm sorry myself

Life is getting troubles, more and more everyday.

It ain't "good things come to an end" like I always convince myself

It ain't always in pink like I always think it is

When love is still here, but there're still troubles that drive me crazy and I feel so lost.

I don't know how to handle it. I don't even know whom I can talk to to get me some advices.

I'm so lost in this new life actually.

And feel like it's not "two are one". Somehow it's still "two is trying to get in one shirt".

I'm feeling confused a little bit whether if ppl really love me like they act and say or not. I'm easy to believe in good things so suddenly I realize the truth is not what I think it is, I feel so upset, really really upset.

I hate it when someone doubt about what I'm doing. Just a thought of it could hurt me. Enough.

Maybe I'm not mature enough. So ppl tend to treat me like a kid sometimes.

I'm sorry myself :)

Now back to reality. No more living in a dream. I'll soon be back to me again :)

Love

Hal
xoxo

Difficult period of time

I know I'm in one of the hardest period of time in my life. I know it must be difficult and tough.

But I don't expect this kinda tough anyway

I think I'm pretty good at controlling myself and solving my own problems. But now it ain't true anymore. I'm so easy to be angry and to be broken and to cry.

I know this's not right. I know me-being angry-though ppl already say sorry is not right. But I can't handle myself anymore.

I stayed up until 4am last night. And I cried without knowing why.

And I'm sad when I look at my phone list, I don't know whom to call. I don't know whom I can talk to. I don't know whether if my friends can understand me or not. I'm scared to be this kinda lonely

I know everything is gonna be over soon. But until that day, how can I survive healthily and how can I be who I wanna be? I hate seeing me relying everyone

God please help me :x I am waiting for the sun in me get back

Love

Hal

xoxo

Sick

Boys will be boys. No matter how they love you, they are just boys. And boys can't be sensitive enough to understand a girl's world.

Today I almost cried when my friend asked me "Hal, are you sick?". I cried because I realize he was worried about me because he really cared. Not because of any situations, people or anything else. I just wanna cry

I feel sick

I feel tired

 I feel so worry

I feel so small

I feel pain

I feel my shoulders are shaking

I feel the tears on my cheek

But all I can do is screaming inside. I've got such a long phone contact list. But I don't know whom to call.

Pls God, bless me

Tired - 1st checking

Long day

Feeling tired

Went to the hospital for the 1st checking today. Thank God it was pretty ok :D so I don't have to worry much anymore

I've been feeling so tired and complicated and so sensitive. It's so easy to make me cry

So please don't

...

It's not just me you know

Love

Hal

xoxo

Life-lesson

What makes a so easy-to-be-broken-down me today?

I got temperature up and down for all night. This morning when I woke up, I felt like all of my strength are gone.

Im feeling tired. Body and mind. And my heart as well

So that's why when you called me, I cried. And sorry for making you worry about me

But I'm glad that there's someone to pull me up when I'm down

Someone who'll never judge me

Someone who'll never try to show me that I'm wrong or right

Someone who'll try to not understand the situation and simply says "I know why you felt that way"

I got a kinda life-lesson. Even when someone loves you with all his heart, but one day he can turn his back on you and leave you behind

I know I'm not good enough. I might make mistakes. But what I need is you to stay by my side and let me cry on your shoulder

Don't try to correct me. I felt bad enough

Cot it made me feel even worse

Mệt!

Một ngày quá dài và mệt, mình chẳng muốn động tay chân đến bất kỳ cái gì nữa. Thậm chí bây giờ ngồi đây nhưng chẳng biết phone vứt ở đâu luôn, cũng chẳng muốn biết luôn

Cũng chỉ là đi ra đường với bạn bè

Cũng chỉ là làm việc bận rộn

Cũng chỉ là đi đến nhà thờ

Nhưng sao hôm nay mệt thế

Vừa cạo gió, bị cảm thôi rồi :(

Mình cảm thấy căng thẳng về mặt tinh thần còn đáng sợ gấp trăm lần căng thẳng về mặt thể xác.

Giờ phát hiện ra mình khá là xấu tính vì ko bao giờ có đủ kiên nhẫn

Cơ mà xin người, đừng bắt tôi đứng ở giữa bao giờ

Mệt xác

Thấy mệt mỏi quá đi mất thôi

Not enough

Yes, maybe the reason why I can't ask anyone to stay for me, because simply I'm just not good enough

Not enough to make anyone want to stay

Not enough to make anyone want to love

And not enought to make anyone want to hold for a long time

I used to say I just want Happiness to stay with me a little longer

But actually it's never

Now I think one of the reasons is me.

It's so cold

There's always someone for someone. But what if you never find that someone?

:)

Bad dreams again...

Another bad dreams again. I don't think I have enuf courage to go to sleep again. 3 days 3 stories and nothing was good. I could feel the tears in my eyes now and my heart is still beating so fast. 

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm so scared

Last night in my dreams, 2 of the most important ppl in my life betrayed me. Left me. Simply. Easily. 

I can feel this pain so clearly

So clearly that I think everything is real

...

What's wrong with me?

Bad dreams again...

Another bad dreams again. I don't think I have enuf courage to go to sleep again. 3 days 3 stories and nothing was good. I could feel the tears in my eyes now and my heart is still beating so fast. 

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm so scared

Last night in my dreams, 2 of the most important ppl in my life betrayed me. Left me. Simply. Easily. 

I can feel this pain so clearly

So clearly that I think everything is real

...

What's wrong with me?

Dreams...

There're some kinda dreams that make me wanna wake up asap

These last 2 days, I dunno why I had long dreams everytime I go to bed at night. Something very misterious. And it pulled my head and my heart down. I felt so tired everytime I wake up.

Some familiar face but I don't know exactly who

Some old stories but I don't know what it is

...

I'm pretty tired and I feel some kinda lost...

Sometimes it's just "not enough"...

Voila, au revoir

Monday 06/2/12

I just wanna skip this place for a little while, going to somewhere and leaving everything behind for a little while

I'm tired of fighting everything alone

I'm tired of seeing ppl misunderstanding each other

I'm tired of seeing ppl unhappy

It's like everything about me is a burden now

Why ppl always mess things up then try to fix it

Even when they fix it, there's a gap still left

Oh lah, I wish I could be a real me now.

Anyway I think I've found the way to make me feel happy now

Love

Hal

xoxo

P/S : Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I am tired...

I've never felt this kinda sorrow before

It's pulling me down and I'm stuck. I can't talk to anyone. Actually I don't know anyone that I can talk to about this problem

I wish there were someone who'd hold me now, and tell me that things will be fine at the end

I just wanna go to sleep, and when I wake up, I'll have a lucid decision.

:)

I'm so weak

I hate it when unintentionally, he seperates us into 2 sides. And I don't really know where to go.

I thought we're supposed to be in a team :) And together we will work things out.

I don't have any rights to judge anyone. So I hope ppl won't judge each other just by an action.

... Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you

Losing my interests

Currently I've lost interests in everything.

Yes I don't even know what I'm doing

I still wonder why ppl have to get married, then there'll be so many things must be done, need to be done but we don't really want to.

When ppl live to seek for some random happiness, it rarely comes. Only moments. Only moments. Happiness is like ice-cream. If you want it, you have to open the box, but then it will melt away

I've been tired lately.

Stuck with responsibilities and stuck with my heart. I'm in the middle. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

I hate me being like this, when I can't even sure about myself

I'm just being overloaded a bit maybe

Hopefully

Peace

Hal

xoxo

My little heart

Feeling like this little heart of mine can't stand any pain anymore

So I'm trying all my best to save it, to protect it

No matter what I have to do

Even I have to learn the way to accept what I don't like

Or pretend that I don't see or don't hear or don't feel anything



~~
I just wanna feel safe